The Piano Blues, or The Ill-Tempered Klavier

The Piano Blues

or

The Ill-Tempered Klavier Salesman

March 3, 1996

Hi. My name is Stephen, and I'm a salesman.

There, I've said it. It's out in the open now, for all my old college buddies to see. I know they wouldn't have expected this. Ask them what I'd be at graduation plus ten, and I can just hear the responses; "A rock and roll producer". "A session musician". "Dead". Well, surprise, I'm a salesman, although I have done two of the other things (and I've come damn close to the third a few times!). And yes, I wear a tie.

Today's lesson for Piano Salesman Wannabee's;
The Ten Basic Hints That A Customer Just May Not Be A Serious Buyer

A: They keep eating while in the store, spilling popcorn, dribbling cokes, etc.

B: "When I win the lottery!"

C: "I can play the piano!", spoken proudly just before murdering Fü Elise

D: A loud sniff, followed by, "I could buy a car for that kind of money!"

E: "Oh, I'm just waiting for my wife (husband, son, third-cousin-twice-removed, etc.) who's shopping next door!"

F: "Excuse me, do you carry guitar picks?"

G: There's a spouse, waiting by the door, impatiently tapping a foot

H: "I was wondering (Don't touch that, Jason!) if you have (I said don't touch that!) an inexpensive (Jason, what did I just get through telling you?) piano that's good (Now Jason, I mean it this time!) for a beginner so I can see (Stop that, Jason!) if he's going to be (Jason, I said no!) serious about it."

I: "Oh, yeah, I'll take them all!"

And my all-time favorite (so far!);

J: "Oh, no, I don't want to have to re-arrange my living room!"

You have to wonder why some people come in to the store at all. The smug look as they say, "Oh, no, I'm not in the market. I own a Steinway!" The only response is to look surprised and blurt out, "Oh, do you not like it?"

So why do I do it?

In all seriousness, there's nothing to equal the satisfaction of matching the right piano to the right player. While the smiling, clapping child whose parents just bought that new grand piano may not necessarily be the next Mozart or Beethoven, I know that I may be helping along the next crop of Horowitzes and de la Rochas and Rubensteins...
Besides, the money's pretty good.

See you in the next measure.

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	A: They keep eating while in the store, spilling popcorn, dribbling cokes, etc.
	B: "When I win the lottery!"
	C: "I can play the piano!", spoken proudly just before murdering Fü Elise
	D: A loud sniff, followed by, "I could buy a car for that kind of money!"
	E: "Oh, I'm just waiting for my wife (husband, son, third-cousin-twice-removed, etc.) who's shopping next door!"
	F: "Excuse me, do you carry guitar picks?"
	G: There's a spouse, waiting by the door, impatiently tapping a foot
	H: "I was wondering (Don't touch that, Jason!) if you have (I said don't touch that!) an inexpensive (Jason, what did I just get through telling you?) piano that's good (Now Jason, I mean it this time!) for a beginner so I can see (Stop that, Jason!) if he's going to be (Jason, I said no!) serious about it."
	I: "Oh, yeah, I'll take them all!"